tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34684202011-04-21T16:35:47.708-04:00wildflowerthe life and times of a wildflower girlcarolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comBlogger2481100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1109643064863137632005-02-28T21:10:00.000-05:002005-02-28T21:13:58.873-05:00i bought a house. go check it out.carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1103866787906160032004-12-24T00:40:00.000-05:002004-12-24T00:39:47.906-05:00im fully aware that no one wants to read all of my wah wah wah christmas sucks bullshit. but here it is anyway.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1101751352962239832004-11-29T13:01:00.000-05:002004-11-29T13:05:54.616-05:00theres a new entry. its all about my first thanksgiving without her.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1097552836445896222004-10-11T23:46:00.000-04:002004-10-11T23:47:16.446-04:00guess what?
i went skydiving!
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1096519363151544502004-09-30T01:42:00.000-04:002004-09-30T00:44:16.946-04:00new entry. re: life these days.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1094943679003045862004-09-11T19:01:00.000-04:002004-09-11T19:01:19.003-04:00there is no cure. there is no test. there are no symptoms.
its undetectable. and untreatable. and more often than not, its diagnosed as something other than what it is. something less deadly.
my mother. and thousands of other women. died from it already this year.
september is national ovarian cancer awareness month.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1094704525819400402004-09-09T01:34:00.000-04:002004-09-09T00:35:25.820-04:00i got a job! go read all about it!
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1094520465973665502004-09-06T21:27:00.000-04:002004-09-06T21:29:07.600-04:00happy birthday, mom.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1093133102175787512004-08-21T20:04:00.000-04:002004-08-21T20:05:02.176-04:00have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. do not now look for the answers. they cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. it is a question of experiencing everything. at present you need to live the question. perhaps you will gradually, without even carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1092104078990362922004-08-09T22:14:00.000-04:002004-08-09T22:14:38.990-04:00i have this opportunity. and i need your help, my friends. because im sitting here. and im sitting on my hands doing nothing.
and this is where you come in.
honestly now. if you were handed a large chunk of money that you knew would probably be the only large chunk of money ever handed to you, and the way its handed to you is in such a sad heartbreaking way that you dont even really want carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1092074202855843072004-08-09T13:57:00.000-04:002004-08-09T13:59:24.096-04:00also? ive changed, added, taken away, and updated some of my links over there on the left. if theres anything you think i should have there tell me all about it. and the archives still dont work. ive tried everything. also. ive erased the flicks section and started over. not that any of you ever look over there. but hey.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1092073231101042392004-08-09T13:39:00.000-04:002004-08-09T13:40:31.100-04:00i keep forgetting to update here.
so.
theres a plethora of new entries over in the journal.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1089601076633141172004-07-11T22:56:00.000-04:002004-07-11T22:54:11.966-04:00two new entries from thursday. here.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1088626366840192592004-06-30T16:10:00.000-04:002004-06-30T16:12:46.840-04:00believe it or not. i have been able to, now and then, make myself useful. i have been applying to some newspaper jobs. out of town. out of state. way out of region. i stayed up until five am the other night finishing up an elaborate package, consisting of a cd portfolio and a print book to go along with it. so i could overnight it so it could be there today. the deadline.
so. in case, carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1087844441250998572004-06-21T14:58:00.000-04:002004-06-21T15:07:31.726-04:00i know there are at least a couple of you still reading. so. just so you know. ive updated my journal with a whole truckload of new entries from the past couple of months. that i never got around to posting.
see. im still kicking.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1081273641501506052004-04-06T13:46:00.000-04:002004-04-06T13:50:04.216-04:00i forgot to say. theres a new entry here. from a couple of weeks ago.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1079135419796470162004-03-12T18:50:00.000-05:002004-03-12T18:52:37.716-05:00this morning at 515am. my mother ended her sixteen month fight. and found peace.
rest in peace, my beautiful mother.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1077509243277268202004-02-22T23:06:00.000-05:002004-02-22T23:09:23.000-05:00theres another new entry over there.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1076130698441561752004-02-07T00:11:00.000-05:002004-02-07T00:13:21.996-05:00theres a new entry about my week. you know. in case youre interested.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1074834640037053822004-01-23T00:10:00.000-05:002004-01-23T00:12:08.686-05:00the doctor told us today that my mother has "a few to six months" left to live.
and tonight i found comfort in the arms of a 75 year old african american woman from alabama. my uncles mother. who comes to my mothers room to pray a few times a week. and as i hugged her goodbye, she wouldnt let go and i wouldnt let go. and it was the first real hug. you know. in a really long time. and i carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1074741212960254272004-01-21T22:13:00.000-05:002004-01-21T22:15:00.500-05:00i almost cried three times while in the hospital room with my mother today. i felt that urge. you know. choked back the tears. i dont know how not to feel it. you know. watching her sleep. watching her blank face. then. as tears fall down her own face in disillusionment. i think im still in shock. i think theres still this part of me. that doesnt know how to cry about this. thats carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1074064209185113802004-01-14T02:10:00.000-05:002004-01-14T02:11:28.996-05:00‘do a lot of praying for me tonight’ was her request after the junior residents in the white lab coats had gone, after they put the tube down her throat and into her stomach, by way of her nose.
she called me this afternoon in tears. we had to admit her to the hospital today. i cant even talk about it right now. i cant even talk about it. i dont even know how to think about it.
but shes in carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1073972149040336792004-01-13T00:34:00.000-05:002004-01-13T00:37:07.606-05:00"my favorite sport is watching you sleep / i like knowing you dont know im there / and anyone could guess the hours i keep / by the black-circle-bitchiness, the heidi-gone-acid hair" -edie carey 'lean into me (live)'
whats there to say right now. theres this huge part of me that wants to apologize for the state of my journal these days. its depressing, not to mention non-existant. i know it carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1072673010209673342003-12-28T23:42:00.000-05:002003-12-28T23:45:28.623-05:00i made a terrible mistake tonight. i watched wit on hbo. the story of a woman dying from advanced stage ovarian cancer.
"i have stage-four metastatic ovarian cancer. there is no stage five."
yes folks thats right. the same thing that for the past thirteen months, my mother has been battling. i didnt know the character died at the end. i didnt know it was going to be so goddamn raw. i carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1072504020899968522003-12-27T00:46:00.000-05:002003-12-27T00:48:02.310-05:00my hands are ice cold. when the temperature dips this low outside, you can always feel a bitter draft coming from some crack somewhere in this old house. the pipes and radiators are tapping, so i know the heat is working, but i still need to keep rubbing my hands to keep them warm.
tomorrow is my first day back at the old newspaper job. its temporary. filling in for the person they hired to carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1072319375825421022003-12-24T21:29:00.000-05:002003-12-24T21:30:35.390-05:00i want to write about my sad drive home through the fog. and i want to write about helping my mother walk to her bed without falling over because she is so weak right now. and sitting on the edge of her bed as she tried to fall asleep. despite all the pain. and aside from the constant feeling of needing to vomit. consoling her because she felt so bad that she couldnt put on her annual carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1071637235387243482003-12-17T00:00:00.000-05:002003-12-17T00:01:27.543-05:00guardedly hopeful.
"its safe for us to be guardedly hopeful"
those were the words that came from my mothers doctor today.
its not much, but its something.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1071554850124221732003-12-16T01:06:00.000-05:002003-12-16T01:08:21.263-05:00an update of all sorts of things. over there.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1071534487600586862003-12-15T19:27:00.000-05:002003-12-15T19:29:55.450-05:00i caught a few minutes of dean's speech on msnbc earlier today. more importantly though. i caught this part.
"But the capture of Saddam has not made America safer..."
damn. that man has guts. even buchanan & press were giving the man props right after the speech. i just cant say enough about him. but to come out and say what no other politician has had the balls to say (a statement thats carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1071109056894254952003-12-10T21:15:00.000-05:002003-12-10T21:22:49.606-05:00hi. i finally figured out my password and how to do this again.
and new york? the dream NG thing? not so much.
closely resembling the third rung of hell is more like it. but yea.
more on that. soon enough.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1058399191382611922003-07-16T19:46:00.000-04:002003-07-16T19:47:32.156-04:00um hi. i got the job. ill be working in the studio of one of the most well known (if not *the* most well known) national geographic photographers. one of the most famous names in photography. a long time personal hero of mine. a constant inspiration to me with every book he publishes. who is living the someday dream i have held since i was young. and im working with him. as of august fourth. if icarolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1058316437887196622003-07-15T20:47:00.000-04:002003-07-15T20:47:17.923-04:00today. on the drive back from nyc. i made two decisions.
1. i will not (oh no i wont) stress about the interview i had today for the potentially most definitely life altering job im up for. even though its down to two people. and im one of the two. oh no i wont i wont i wont.
2. im going on that medication my therapist was recommending. making the call tomorrow.
yay me. right on.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-1057606923830101882003-07-07T15:42:00.000-04:002003-07-07T15:42:03.896-04:00im not dead! oh no im not.
temporary leave of absence. mental health break. something more along those lines.
and its not quite over really. im just back online now.
theres even a new entry way over here.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-932756722003-04-25T22:50:00.000-04:002003-04-25T22:51:15.000-04:00i didnt want to come back. yesterday morning when i woke up in our room i whimpered and clung to the uncomfortable bed. with a long face, i packed my bags. i didnt want to come back.
but i did. and i am. and my mothers blood count was too low again this week for the doctor to allow her to go through with what is supposed to be her final chemo treatment. so our vacation was cut short for carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-928544922003-04-18T16:07:00.000-04:002003-04-25T22:51:46.000-04:00we're leaving in a few minutes for our trip to maine. yay. ill be back next thursday night, just in time for my mothers final chemo appointment on friday morning. a week of walking on the beach. swimming in the indoor pool at our hotel. sleeping in. eating yummy thai food. and visiting friends and babies. by the end of the week, ill be a pro at relaxing. lets hope.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-922670352003-04-08T23:57:00.000-04:002003-04-08T23:57:37.950-04:00the cat and the boy are down the hall sleeping. and me. i cant sleep. ive been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. once i finally get to sleep, its in the wee hours and is usually followed by many times being up and down and tossing and turning all night. my mind races. constantly. and i cant shut it off.
couples therapy appointment number two is tomorrow morning. heres hoping it carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-919194262003-04-03T10:51:00.000-05:002003-04-03T10:51:49.796-05:00today marks the sixth year. six years with the boy. six years. of turbulence. and greatness. and rocky roads. and roller coaster rides.
and absolutely maddening love.
happy anniversary to us.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-917290972003-03-31T15:38:00.000-05:002003-03-31T15:39:33.000-05:00saturday night was spent saying goodbye to a dear friend. thats the one on the left in case youre curious. theyre both friends of mine, but scott is the one leaving us. and for those in the know, he is also the subject of the on-again off-again crush ive had for almost two years. hes only moving two hours away. i wouldnt say we were close enough to make the drive solely for a visit. but we carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-915245172003-03-27T23:20:00.000-05:002003-03-27T23:20:04.153-05:00i despise this whole blogger thing. i really do. nothing updates correctly. most of my archives are missing. i cant make any revisions to my template. and theres no possible way to get any kind of assistance from the folks that run the show.
but enough bitching from me.
theres a new entry over yonder. which has a much brighter tone. i swear.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-911326442003-03-21T12:04:00.000-05:002003-03-21T12:06:35.000-05:00quote of today:
"how does it feel to wake up in the morning and just go...'i rock'?" said to me this morning when i walked into the office. by my editor, kevin.
guess he liked my protest photos from yesterday.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-911049912003-03-20T23:53:00.000-05:002003-03-20T23:53:07.483-05:00if youre so inclined. you can read about whats been happening recently. in the new entry over here.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-909009072003-03-17T23:12:00.000-05:002003-03-17T23:12:53.076-05:00today i stepped out of the newly opened restaurant i was at for an assignment for work. i stepped out around 2pm. i took a deep breath. and my first thought, as i made my way through the slush and crystallized snow to my car. my first thought. was 'ahh it smells like summer'.
i love the way each season has its own smell. to me anyway. one reason i dont think i would be happy anywhere carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-907508872003-03-15T00:59:00.000-05:002003-03-15T01:06:59.000-05:00tomorrow (technically? later today) starts my nine day run at work. the other photographer is on vacation. and while i usually look forward to these frantic times that only come twice a year for me. this time. im not. my job takes a lot out of me. and right now. i just dont have the energy. with all the other stuff weighing me down in my outside life right now. my body is tired. my brain. my carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-906922452003-03-14T00:21:00.000-05:002003-03-14T00:21:36.000-05:00ive been catching up on my email tonight and i read a post by a guy on the photojournalism list im on. i found what he said to be quite inspiring. for me anyway. so i decided to share it here as my quote of the day.
"just remember in the right hands anything can be a story." said by josh ritchie.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-905691822003-03-12T00:17:00.000-05:002003-03-12T00:18:22.000-05:00happy happy birthday. to my dearest danny boy.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-902449002003-03-06T11:33:00.000-05:002003-03-06T11:33:17.216-05:00why does looking for a car have to be such a long, drawn out, difficult, stressful experience?
perhaps because this is my life.
my two requests: sunroof. four (or all) wheel drive.
thats it. so youd think it would be easy, wouldnt you?
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-900295112003-03-02T22:41:00.000-05:002003-03-02T22:42:58.000-05:00yea its been a while. but theres a new entry in the journal. for those interested.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-898395602003-02-27T09:50:00.000-05:002003-02-27T09:50:39.000-05:00r.i.p., mister rogers
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-898074632003-02-26T20:13:00.000-05:002003-02-26T20:16:24.000-05:00theres really nothing. nothing else. that can squash positive thoughts. about the possibility of staying here. and finally putting some roots down. and moving up at the job. nothing can squash that quite so completely. as the telephone call i got today. as the statement i heard from her. the other photographer at the paper i work for. theres no statement that can ruin all that quite ascarolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-896509242003-02-24T11:45:00.000-05:002003-02-24T11:46:42.000-05:00a quote for today.
'i love dorks. i think they are superb.'
written by my friend laura. in response to something i said about my very old stuffed eeyore being one of my most prized possessions. hee.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-893776262003-02-19T12:24:00.000-05:002003-02-19T12:24:31.893-05:00'he claimed the town employee was taunting him by going up and down the street plowing the road'
so he hit him with his shovel.
hahahahaha. hoohoohoo. heehee.
um. ever considered moving to a warmer climate, perhaps?
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-893509542003-02-18T23:09:00.000-05:002003-02-18T23:09:28.760-05:00so im going to see 'the hours' tomorrow. oh yes i am. because ive been anticipating this movie. for months. and months.
and some days are so much better than others. arent they?
i wish every day were today. because even with the endless driving i had to do. and the shovelling of many pounds and many inches of snow. and my mother snapping at me for no reason on the telephone. and the carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-889496892003-02-11T22:00:00.000-05:002003-02-11T22:07:26.000-05:00i got there early. like twenty five minutes before the class started. i signed up for conversational french I at the community college nearby. tonight was the first night. and i got there so early that i sat in my car in the parking lot listening to music for ten or fifteen minutes. because thats what i do. i leave the house an hour and fifteen minutes before the class starts. to make a carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-888768842003-02-10T18:15:00.000-05:002003-02-10T18:15:03.663-05:00in regards to a conversation about valentines day. i just loved this. said by jenn. so. a quote for today.
'having encountered these ideas, it now seems so obvious to me that "love" doesn't have to mean schmoopy romantic love. It can mean love that challenges, love that changes the world, peace and love and a coming together to try to stop hatred, destruction, terror and war. maybe the carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-884430952003-02-02T19:19:00.000-05:002003-02-02T19:19:05.576-05:00theres a new photo up on the front of the site thats coming soon i swear it is. from a really fun tap dancing event i covered over the weekend.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-883547582003-01-31T19:55:00.000-05:002003-02-02T19:19:53.000-05:00i havent been writing anything of importance here. i mean. ive been posting quizzes and this day in history lists and quotes from idiot pop stars and crap nobody cares about. because i havent really known how to write about whats been going on. i havent even known how to speak. or how to feel really. about whats been going on.
but tonight. i gave it a try. so theres a new entry over at carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-883083702003-01-30T23:29:00.000-05:002003-01-30T23:29:57.890-05:00on this day in history:
in 1933, adolf hitler became chancellor of germany.
in 1948, indian political and spiritual leader mahatma gandhi was murdered by a hindu extremist.
in 1972, thirteen roman catholic civil rights marchers were shot to death by british soldiers in northern ireland on what became known as 'bloody sunday.'
in 1981, an estimated two million new yorkers turned out for a carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-882314362003-01-29T17:42:00.000-05:002003-01-29T17:44:09.000-05:00okay i dont usually post these quizlet things anymore. but i couldnt resist this one. those that know me will know how damn accurate this is. just thought it was pretty funny.
which VW are you?
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-881954552003-01-28T22:52:00.000-05:002003-01-28T22:52:20.010-05:00after walking out midway through the a screening of the new robert downey jr movie with her large entourage in tow. britney spears announced: 'Sundance is weird. The movies are weird - you actually have to think about them when you watch them.'
oh no. not that kind of movie.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-879371872003-01-23T23:03:00.000-05:002003-01-23T23:03:16.820-05:00hi. theres a new entry. you know. in case youre interested.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-879041852003-01-23T11:13:00.000-05:002003-01-23T23:07:04.000-05:00i have a serious love/hate relationship with the fact that i work weekends.
on the one hand, i get to cover some really cool stuff.
but on the other hand, i have to miss out on some really cool things id love to do.
i wanted to go to the DC rally last weekend. but i couldnt. i was working. and on february 15 there will be protests in new york and san francisco against the war on iraq. so.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-877428362003-01-20T15:13:00.000-05:002003-01-23T11:14:03.000-05:00i really wish i had something interesting and witty and smart to write here. but i have other things on my mind right now. so i dont.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-876093402003-01-17T16:38:00.000-05:002003-01-17T16:42:01.000-05:00this is a call for help. can someone please help me? because im a complete pencilhead and cant figure it out on my own. and. you know. so thoroughly frustrated with blogger. so. can someone please help me move this here blog to a page on my site somewhere? just. explain to me how to do it? whether its through blogger or movable type. or whatever. it makes no difference to me. any carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-875979042003-01-17T12:17:00.000-05:002003-01-17T12:20:44.000-05:00thought this was funny. was looking at the website for one of my very favorite bands ever. the pushstars. and while looking through the items for sale, i found this (labelled for the baby doll shirt for sale.) so its a quote for today. just because it made me laugh.
'sized for the petite lady or a large stuffed animal.'
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-875131512003-01-15T22:38:00.000-05:002003-01-15T22:44:59.000-05:00im bringing my grandmother to the airport tomorrow. so she can fly her little self off to florida for whats left of the winter. to the family beach house in new smyrna beach. damn. i cant even tell you how badly i want to just dump my car in the parking lot and jet off with her.
to get away from this life for a while. to get away from this weather for a while.
presently: seven degrees and carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-873724242003-01-13T16:48:00.000-05:002003-01-13T16:55:48.000-05:00could i be just a little more proud?
remember the show? the open mic that the boy played at last weekend? its down a couple of posts, in case you missed it.
well as a result. of the boy. you know. blowing the place down. he has been asked to open for christopher williams on february 1!!
yay yay yay!
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-872736732003-01-11T14:47:00.000-05:002003-01-11T17:41:15.000-05:00man am i a crank today. not only has it seemed as though ive caught the cold that lasts forever. but i get a call from the other photographer at work yesterday. telling me that the camera is broken. again. first of all, our last one broke so often that nikon finally just gave up and sent us a new one over the summer. secondly, this one is brand new! we got it, yep, in the summer. and theycarolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-872018582003-01-09T23:28:00.000-05:002003-01-09T23:30:19.000-05:00i put a new photo up on the site tonight. its a photo i took at the last football game of the season this fall. its not exciting, but i like it. and as cute as that little dog in the santa suit was. santa is over. and i dont have many images on my computer here at home. so this will have to do for now.
i am working on the site, believe it or not. the bio is coming soon. and someday very carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-871867772003-01-09T17:47:00.000-05:002003-01-09T18:15:01.000-05:00im sorry. but my quote of today. is just damn funny. the boy and i played trivial pursuit genus 5 last night. this was part of one of the questions. and i just had to share it.
'one false move, and she's charo' said by some l.a. producer of some kind. about jennifer lopez.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-870824052003-01-07T18:28:00.000-05:002003-01-08T13:33:06.000-05:00back from the big city. sick as a dog. thoroughly exhausted. and totally depressed at my surroundings. but had a hell of a time last night.
im expecting to be sick in bed the next couple of days. so send some email and keep me entertained will ya?
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-869905962003-01-05T23:26:00.000-05:002003-01-06T11:06:15.000-05:00the boy brought the house down at the open mic last night. and won a prize at the end of the night. with the prize being a check for $25 that he isnt going to cash but is going to frame instead. dubbing it the first time he made money performing. for being chosen, by the judges, as one of the best three performers of the night.
go look at the pictures!!
im really quite proud.
yea boy.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-869043772003-01-03T22:09:00.000-05:002003-01-03T22:11:29.000-05:00some nights. theres just nothing better.
than sitting in this second story window. watching the snow fall. the twenty inches or more thats expected. on top of the three feet we already have. from that christmas day storm.
and traffic is almost non-existant.
and john gorka plays low downstairs.
and hot chocolate. with marshmallows. swirls beside you.
and today was your moms first carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-868294712003-01-02T09:51:00.000-05:002003-01-02T09:51:52.000-05:00given that i did so. uh. well. with last years. ive decided upon two resolutions for this year.
1. learn french
2. get on a road to becoming a person that i like again. whatever it takes. (that involves a lot of things.)
yeah.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-868077542003-01-01T21:17:00.000-05:002003-01-01T21:18:26.000-05:00'sometimes i'm the only child. and yes, i have a brother.' was said by leesa. and i read it. just as i was thinking the same thing. because i just got off the phone with my mother. who was talking about my brother. like hes some kind of fucking saint because he returned her call. for the first time in weeks. so its the quote of today.
and theres a new. um. very emotion-filled, venting carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-867693352002-12-31T20:27:00.000-05:002002-12-31T20:29:48.000-05:00i havent read anything so disturbing to me in a long time. it took me a while to ingest it actually. so. this was the best way i could think of to say have a safe, happy and love-filled new year.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-867220662002-12-30T21:19:00.000-05:002002-12-30T21:41:47.000-05:00am i the only one who is just fabulously in love with the new paul simon song? i think its called 'father and daughter' and its off of the soundtrack to the new wild thornberrys movie.
yea, i probably am.
but come on. i mean. cant you just hear nigel in his crazy accent saying it to eliza?
im such a nerd.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-866013012002-12-27T16:43:00.000-05:002002-12-28T11:47:39.000-05:00hi. theres a new journal entry.
today: more snow features. kids sledding. men snowblowing. and a new police chief getting sworn in. of whom i got a rockin shot. thankyouverymuch.
tonight: five basketball games. three locations. two hours.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-865728272002-12-26T22:56:00.000-05:002002-12-26T22:59:08.000-05:00a man who was nothing short of an amazing contribution to the art world was lost today.
rip, herb ritts.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-864623722002-12-23T22:22:00.000-05:002002-12-23T22:23:55.000-05:00i happened upon this tonight while reading a diary i head to every now and then. and well. today just felt like a damn near perfect day for a quote like this. so the quote of today:
"i find the idea of myself literally hitting a concrete wall around 6:30AM an ironic metaphor for my life." written by partygirl
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-864181732002-12-22T22:10:00.000-05:002002-12-23T10:00:45.000-05:00im rotten. im so so rotten. far more rotten than you would ever even believe.
ive had this on-again-off-again crush. on a guy i work with. for the past year or year and a half. while its been off-again for some time now. these past couple of days. well. okay. since the basketball game saturday night when i caught him looking at me when he should have been watching the game. yep. its carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-864176042002-12-22T21:54:00.000-05:002002-12-26T18:37:44.000-05:00im really not even sure what the purpose of this is. but its a little creepy. and a little fun.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-863209452002-12-20T10:35:00.000-05:002002-12-20T10:37:19.000-05:00aside from getting my not-as-new-as-i-thought-it-was-when-i-paid-for-it camera fixed. and a new lens or two.
this is my christmas list. you know. in case anyones wondering what to get me.
now if only i lived in a warm, sunny climate. where i could actually put the top down. arrrrh.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-863037312002-12-19T23:39:00.000-05:002002-12-19T23:53:47.000-05:00ive been spending most of the past couple of weeks at my mothers house. talking with her. or reading while she sleeps. or driving her to the mall to do some walking. which the doctor said would be good for her. and it has been. the time we have been spending together has been great. while we have always been close, i think we have actually been growing closer. i guess its been a pretty carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-858762062002-12-11T23:24:00.000-05:002002-12-11T23:31:57.000-05:00"i knew what i had. it was a basic truth to me. i was a brilliant writer. and that never went away, it's just...as we grow up, we forget that we know how to shine." -written by melanie. who is always inspiring.
(bolded by me. you know. for the important part.)
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-857665992002-12-10T00:00:00.000-05:002002-12-10T00:00:05.736-05:00theres a new journal entry. where im feeling sort of detached. about last week.
and theres also an updated photo. on the site that isnt.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-854136082002-12-02T22:54:00.000-05:002002-12-02T23:32:40.000-05:00tomorrow is the big day.
im not really sure what else to say. except that ill be in springfield for the next five days. and even though most nights ill be making the ninety minute drive home. i dont know how much ill be updating.
thanks for the support though.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-853527062002-12-01T20:24:00.000-05:002002-12-01T20:24:39.266-05:00heres my quote for today:
"the alleys, offramps and gutters of america are just full of amazing stuff. you just have to look, yeah?" -courtesy of found magazine
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-852681732002-11-29T16:12:00.000-05:002002-12-01T20:22:52.000-05:00to the forty million turkeys that after a cruel and torturous death, are now residing in our refrigerators, awaiting their turn on the next leftover sandwich. r.i.p.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-851465752002-11-27T00:10:00.000-05:002002-11-27T00:11:02.000-05:00oh. by the way. i put a new photo up on my website that isnt.
ps: and dont expect it to be. anytime soon. seriously.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-851459302002-11-26T23:51:00.000-05:002002-11-26T23:53:02.000-05:00so i missed bloody sunday last week. due to news things. and not feeling up to it. you know.
now. im in love with my local theater. not only am i going to see bowling for columbine tomorrow night. at last. but later this week. frida is playing. and in a few weeks. far from heaven.
all of which ive been dying to see. all of which i thought id have to drive two hours to a bigger town carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-850325232002-11-24T21:27:00.000-05:002002-11-24T21:29:30.000-05:00i found out on thursday that my mother has cancer.
and theres a new entry in the journal.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-847993862002-11-19T23:49:00.000-05:002002-11-20T00:00:33.000-05:00im going to see bloody sunday tomorrow night. and i am so excited. ive been so intrigued by this story/event since i was at the icp in march and saw a documentary exhibit on it. and then. there was this movie. which opened on my birthday, you know. but now. now its playing in my neck of the woods. with a discussion afterwards even. my town rocks my socks.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-847989302002-11-19T23:38:00.000-05:002002-11-19T23:43:47.000-05:00i was rushed to get into work by ten today. no reason really. just wanted to be there by ten.
got there just in time for the budget meeting though. which was a pleasant surprise. since im not usually in on such things. you know. being the weekender and all.
but i was so rushed that i skipped breakfast. this is something i never do. and ive been virtually worthless all day.
except that carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-846897112002-11-17T22:53:00.000-05:002002-11-17T22:58:31.000-05:00my quote for today is an ode to the two day snowstorm that was more like an ice storm that happened to drop a few inches of snow on us this weekend. and because i was listening to this cd in the darkroom tonight and this song just hit me. like it always does.
'the first november snow will leave you stranded / til the days turn into months, then into years' - from my favorite mark erelli song,carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-845599112002-11-14T23:05:00.000-05:002002-11-14T23:05:18.460-05:00theres a new journal entry.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-845345752002-11-14T12:47:00.000-05:002002-11-14T12:48:34.000-05:00quote of today:
'time to grow wings and fly, little caterpillar, it's time...'
thanks to m for the encouragement.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-845008462002-11-13T20:34:00.000-05:002002-11-19T23:59:49.000-05:00"And then I see Marion laying on the ground. She looks wasted and vacant. Her friends are drawing on her stomach with a Sharpie. She's enjoying the sensation of touch the marker provides as it stimulates her brain in ways that scream "Yes! Yes! Yes!" She's enjoying an ecstasy high. She's 14."
the first time i saw this image, it was posted by melissa on a photojournalism list im on. i was deeplycarolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-844556102002-11-12T23:43:00.000-05:002002-11-13T00:08:19.000-05:00i "updated" my website. and by updated. yea. note its in quotes there. by updated. i mean. i changed the photo on the front page. because its a photo i took over the weekend. that im happy with. that isnt football.
so go see!
[enter obligatory broken record comment here about how the site will become a real site soon]
but really. it will.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-842624692002-11-08T22:53:00.000-05:002002-11-08T22:53:21.523-05:00read all about my last three days spent in a courtroom. over at the journal.
carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3468420.post-841884762002-11-07T15:46:00.000-05:002002-11-07T15:47:41.000-05:00'im voting for obrien but romney is going to win' thats what i was saying to friends who asked who i was voting for on tuesday. i just knew it.
and thats what i did. and that was the outcome.
so the wealthy white man wins again.
i got into one of my news obsessive funks on tuesday night and flipped between national and local news channels all night long. until i finally made myself go to carolinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17772310704992630339noreply@blogger.com