:: wildflower ::

the life and times of a wildflower girl
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:: my mother
:: she wasnt gone
:: aug 15: nellie mckay
:: aug 20: dan bern
:: aug 21: martha wainwright
:: aug 27-29: women in photojournalism
:: sep 17: dar williams
:: sep 25: catie curtis
:: 'pride and prejudice' jane austen
:: josh ritter 'hello starling'
:: eliza gilkyson 'land of milk and honey'
:: common rotation 'live at the hotel cafe'
:: richard shindell 'vuelta'
:: meg hutchinson 'the crossing'
:: nat'l geographic [>]
:: a photo a day [>]
:: photocolumn [>]
:: blue eyes [>]
:: jenny holzer [>]
:: women in pj [>]
:: peta [>]
:: look at me [>]
:: found [>]
:: silicon salley [>]
:: here [>]
:: soapbox [>]
:: digs [>]
:: photobetty [>]
:: pj dot org [>]
:: this is me [>]
:: daniel [>]
:: laura [>]
:: andrea [>]
:: shoshana [>]
:: kati [>]
:: kim [>]
:: william [>]
:: melanie [>]
:: stasia [>]
:: melissa [>]
:: cubegirl [>]
[::..recent flicks..::]
:: fahrenheit 9/11
:: 13 going on 30

:: Thursday, May 30 ::

"when you are on your path, and it is truly your path, doors will open for you where there were no doors for someone else." -joseph campbell

:: caroline 11:40:00 AM [+] ::
ridiculously voyeuristic and intriguing. perfection. its so me. so my nature. how can i help but love this site?

:: caroline 11:31:00 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, May 29 ::
this photograph (and therefore, this issue and debate) has been floating around for a few months, since it was first released.

contest judges wrestle with ethics of winning image

***warning: EXTREMELY sensitive, disturbing material***

i think this is an important piece of visual journalism. and i think they did the right thing. tell me what you think.

read more about the controversy and what the photographer, and others, had to say about it.

:: caroline 10:36:00 AM [+] ::
this ones going in the record books. i discovered this quote today. while listening to a song i usually skip right over. its a new favorite. its simple. but i love it. yay.

"there's a prison called tomorrow and there's one called yesterday / the only place you're free is in between" -john gorka campaign trail

:: caroline 12:01:00 AM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, May 28 ::
whats your plan for tomorrow? a coworker asked me as i was leaving tonight at ten minutes to eleven. after coming in at nine thirty this morning.

after five days of it. though most of the other days started before six.

whats my plan? sleep in. and hold my breath until tomorrows gonna-be-kick-ass paper comes out. yay me. thats my plan.

:: caroline 11:42:00 PM [+] ::
it was ninety-ish hot. i was wearing jeans and sweaty shoes.

it poured. i was a good half mile from my car. wearing a white linen tank top.

my sunroof was open. it started to hail.

this was my day.

aside from the thirteen hour work day. the thirteen hour high that is work, for me. and the craziness of some assignments. along with the boringness of tonights annual small town meeting. with the senile moderator. which i surprised myself by getting some good photos from. and the insane drive home. not being able to see two feet in front of me. through the flooded streets. even though it had just started raining. and the hail. and the high winds. and two minutes later. the sun was out again. and it was just like it was. ten minutes before.

when where i came from. no more than eight miles south. was sunny and gorgeous and people were sailing.

i was up in the clouds somewhere. i was beyond thrilled. to be photographing anything. to be photographing baby geese. of all things. just to be photographing. i was annoyed that the other photographer took the new kick ass camera. and left me with the loaner. even though it was her day off. and i havent used it yet. as if its hers. pissa.

the end of another five day stretch.

it was just a wierd day. just that kind of day.

:: caroline 11:26:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, May 26 ::
this makes me feel really good about myself. yep.


:: caroline 10:11:00 AM [+] ::
:: Saturday, May 25 ::
"and life is like a fairy tale / every step feels like a dream / that keeps on getting nearer / and more and more extreme / and we just got switched with venus / and we're closer to the sun / and i got no problem with it / nor should anyone" -dan bern thanksgiving day parade

:: caroline 11:54:00 PM [+] ::
theres a new journal entry

:: caroline 11:16:00 PM [+] ::
:: Friday, May 24 ::
im trying to get out of here today.

i so desperately want to get away.

but theres nowhere to go thats worth driving to. where i can be back by tomorrow. and theres nothing to do here.

i havent been able to shake this feeling these past couple of weeks.

im bored. bored with life. and generally very unhappy.

:: caroline 7:34:00 AM [+] ::
:: Thursday, May 23 ::
quote of the moment:

"I need a haircut and I need to invent a new emotion. " -said by katie

:: caroline 11:23:00 PM [+] ::
i know its been a while. a few days.

ive been distracted. by all kinds of rottenness.

:: caroline 11:18:00 PM [+] ::
:: Monday, May 20 ::
theres a new journal entry.

:: caroline 12:11:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, May 19 ::

she never ceases to amaze me. ever. if it slips my mind. for a second. how stunning and beautiful and talented she is. up comes something like 'enough rope'. her latest writing.

*mwah* laura.

:: caroline 11:32:00 PM [+] ::
came home from friendlys tonight and there was a strange car parked in the small parking lot of the greenhouse across the street from our house. i saw it from 1/4 mile away and immediately flipped out, saying 'whats that car doing there?' dan told me not to worry so i thought 'okay they probably just stopped to look at the house next to ours' (which is for sale) but it was almost 10pm and already pitch dark out. as we pulled into our driveway and got out, i tried not to look over and tried to hide my face with my scarf. hoping that if it was the ex in the car. he wouldnt be able to see my face. and therefore. couldnt be absolutely positive it was me. a minute after we got inside, daniel went back outside and the car peeled out and sped away.

things. all around. are somewhat scary.

:: caroline 11:19:00 PM [+] ::
"there was spring along the ditches/there were good times in the cities/oh, radiant happiness/it was all so light and easy/till i started analyzing/and i brought on my old ways/a thunderhead of judgment was/gathering in my gaze/and it made most people nervous/they just didnt want to know/what i was seeing in the refuge of the roads"
-joni mitchell

:: caroline 12:04:00 AM [+] ::
:: Saturday, May 18 ::
when did hugh grant become cute? and why wasnt i notified? i saw the previews for that new movie 'about a boy' the other day and was like 'wait a minute...whos that? ohwait its hugh grant' so i want to see it now. im thinking ill go see it by myself sometime next week. its a dreadfully lame movie im sure. and to redeem myself just a little. theres no way i would see it if it werent just so chock full of those wonderful british accents.

:: caroline 11:52:00 PM [+] ::
:: Thursday, May 16 ::
so i spoke too soon. i do that a lot i guess. and i did. this time.

late last night. fights started. name-calling and sleeping in separate beds happened.

he doesnt "understand" he kept saying. putting the blame on me. like he has so many times. he doesnt "understand" and so i told him. im sorry that he doesnt. but he never will. and its not his to understand. because. quite frankly. it isnt.

and vivid dreams of his face. in my house. were the events of my overnight.

:: caroline 4:20:00 PM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, May 15 ::
today is over (im really relieved)

my deadline has officially come and gone. and my application materials are on their way.

the freelance job i was so worried about. is over. i just got back from it. phew. my first real freelance job. and it went well. and now i just have to wait until the photographs come back.

'felicity' starts in a few minutes. my sore throat is gone (big thanks to chamomile and honey). my cold is on its way out (big thanks to vitamin c). 'video' by india arie is coming from the stereo. i got a hug from a guy at work tonight. and daniel and i are looking at a little out-of-the-way house tomorrow.

things. believe it or not. are starting to resemble okay again.

:: caroline 8:48:00 PM [+] ::


you surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. you often daydream. you prefer honesty in your relationships and believe strongly in your personal morals.

find out your color at stvlive.com!

:: caroline 8:41:00 PM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, May 14 ::
two quotes today, just because they made me laugh and reminded me why im so glad my teenage years are over:

"Final proof that there's no such thing as god, and also wishes don't come true:
Today in the hallway Steven Fuckhead said "HI KATIE" to me and all his friends who were standing around laughed, so obviously he wasn't hit by a bus and ground into little pieces like I asked."


"went to see spider man with morgan, kim, jc and derek. i ended up sitting next to derek. someday i hope to meet a boy who can go 5 minutes without talking about his penis."
-both said by katie

:: caroline 3:18:00 PM [+] ::
:: Monday, May 13 ::
"The movement members were not happy that I had joined them. I had not brought food, only a camera, and I was there to take pictures."

the incredible story and pictures, of l.a. times photographer carolyn cole's eight days spent in the church of the nativity in the west bank, before the seige ended.

:: caroline 3:21:00 PM [+] ::
this is my new favorite song.

quote for today: "you belong among the wildflowers..." -tom petty

:: caroline 12:40:00 PM [+] ::
:: Friday, May 10 ::
i spent most of today. driving and singing. and forgetting. for a little while. but right now im home. and im afraid. still. and i dont like not feeling safe in my own house. and its just not fair.

:: caroline 10:00:00 PM [+] ::
:: Thursday, May 9 ::
ive only been awake for an hour and its already been one of the scariest days of my life.

theres a new journal entry.

:: caroline 11:26:00 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, May 8 ::
"i might be confused sometimes in my head but it is not something you need to talk about. before you can talk you have to line it all up in order and i had rather just let it swirl around until i am too tired to think. you just let the motion in your head wear you out. never think about it. you just make a bigger mess that way." -from the book 'ellen foster' by kaye gibbons (which i finally finished today)

perfection. thats the quote of the day. i wish i had said it first. its so perfectly me.

:: caroline 7:55:00 PM [+] ::
ive really been terribly depressed these past couple of days. the past several weeks actually. but its been hiding somewhere in the back of my mind. until two days ago. and its been full force since then.

i just sat down with a small tub of chocolate cake frosting and ate a couple of spoonfuls before i forced myself to put it away. i get like this. i hate it.

:: caroline 7:51:00 PM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, May 7 ::
last time we chatted on IM, i promised her that i would start writing more. again. but i havent. i dont have it in me. i used to write pages upon pages of emails. detailing my days and what was going on inside. but i dont have it in me. ive lost the introspection. ive lost the creativity. ive lost all these things that are so important.

and i think about it all the time. and it scares me.

:: caroline 4:14:00 PM [+] ::
"Placebos -- or dud pills -- have long been used to help scientists separate the "real" effectiveness of medicines from the "illusory" feelings of patients. The placebo effect -- the phenomenon of patients feeling better after they've been treated with dud pills -- is seen throughout the field of medicine. But new research suggests that the placebo may play an extraordinary role in the treatment of depression -- where how people feel spells the difference between sickness and health."

read the whole story.

:: caroline 2:19:00 PM [+] ::

see which greek goddess you are.

:: caroline 11:45:00 AM [+] ::

my bit of today is this site.

:: caroline 9:24:00 AM [+] ::
:: Monday, May 6 ::
quote for today:

"I really really really really want to plant flowers. I keep getting told by people, "This is New England." My boss laughed at me yesterday when I said I wanted to put out my Impatiens seeds. "This is New England" she said. At this rate, I'll end up waiting till August when the threat of the last frost of the seasons is officially over to plant the things. At which time I'm sure to have a good solid week of enjoying the flowers before the first snow falls."
-written by cubiclegirl, in her entry titled 'this is new england'

:: caroline 9:19:00 AM [+] ::
:: Thursday, May 2 ::
daniel is taking the deal. took the deal. the aforementioned deal. with jim. that i wrote about here on monday. no discussion. no nothing. none of the things that he said would happen. just took it. and how did i find out? oh through a little thing called email. yes, an email came in for him from jim so i read it (this is a regular thing, btw, not a big deal, we share an email program) and yes. the deal was struck this morning. oh yes.

i left him a message on his voicemail. he didnt pick up his cellphone. ive lost all respect for him. i cannot believe he did this. hes making one of the biggest mistakes of his life. all for his greed. and probably even moreso, i cannot believe he went about it the way he did.

i need to rethink things. i really do. i never wanted this. i dont want to get tangled up in this. i despise the business world. i thought i knew him. i was proud of who he was becoming. i liked this new dan much more than the old one. he was away from the business world. and now. hes changing again. ive been seeing it these past few weeks. and its only going to get worse.

and as much as i pored my heart out to him that i didnt want him to go through with it. he did. which is his choice. i suppose. but it affects us both. and i cant mentally or emotionally afford to be involved in this. and now. i need to rethink. everything.

:: caroline 7:24:00 PM [+] ::
do you know of anyone who wants a dog? a sweet, adorable four year old beagle who doesnt deserve to be brought to doggie death row? some kind, patient, animal-loving person? she must go to a good home.

please please please contact me if you do.

:: caroline 4:50:00 PM [+] ::
i took the which dictator are you? test and my results were youre george w bush! which leads us to my bit of the day.

""Wait, I'm not a dictator!" you cry! Well lets look at the check list: Unelected? Check! Use wars and xenophobia to boost popularity? Check! Total control of the media so they never say a bad word against you? Check! Kill scores of innocent people to get what you want? Check! Do anything to get your hands on oil? Check! Inhumane treatment of prisoners? Check! Face it, you're a dictator, and no amount of gloss will hide that fact… or the fact you're a borderline retard who looks like a monkey!"

:: caroline 4:35:00 PM [+] ::
this is just fabulous news. one more thing to worry about.

:: caroline 11:05:00 AM [+] ::
just want to point out three new links i added over there...

silicon salley - a site i used to go to far more than i do now, back when i was a business woman in the internet world. its a great site for women involved with the internet in some sort of business endeavor, that i still go to now and then. i cant quite fully pull myself away i guess.
here magazine - a paper magazine with a small website, which i just recently learned about through the latest utne reader that was dropped in my mailbox. its a magazine about people and places and stories. it helps with the fascination i have with making up life stories in my head about people i see.
soapbox is a site with great articles, great links and great resources. and each month has a different theme. this months theme: domesticity.

:: caroline 9:50:00 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, May 1 ::
ive decided to add a daily feature here. its going to be a quote of the day type thing. a quote i like that fits the day, something that was said to me that day, something i overheard that day, something i read that day, etc, you get the idea. something that catches me for one reason or another. ive always been a quote fiend, and this is just another way to feed that obsession of mine i guess.

heres todays bit of brilliance:
"Gwyneth Paltrow's duet with Huey Lewis (from the movie 'Duets') is getting a lot of airplay in New York. Jill Sobule was dropped by her record label, Nerissa Nields has been giving guitar lessons to make extra money, and Gwyneth Paltrow has a hit song. Gwyneth is a very good actress, but she doesn't sing all that well. Can someone explain this whole life thing again? I seem to have missed something." -said by daniel meyer (in an email to the nields list-serv that i am a part of)

:: caroline 1:05:00 PM [+] ::
for dilbert fans:

you are RATBERT...you haven't got a care or a thought in the world; you're a free spirit!

which dilbert character are you?

:: caroline 12:44:00 PM [+] ::

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