:: wildflower ::

the life and times of a wildflower girl
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:: my mother
:: she wasnt gone
:: aug 15: nellie mckay
:: aug 20: dan bern
:: aug 21: martha wainwright
:: aug 27-29: women in photojournalism
:: sep 17: dar williams
:: sep 25: catie curtis
:: 'pride and prejudice' jane austen
:: josh ritter 'hello starling'
:: eliza gilkyson 'land of milk and honey'
:: common rotation 'live at the hotel cafe'
:: richard shindell 'vuelta'
:: meg hutchinson 'the crossing'
:: nat'l geographic [>]
:: a photo a day [>]
:: photocolumn [>]
:: blue eyes [>]
:: jenny holzer [>]
:: women in pj [>]
:: peta [>]
:: look at me [>]
:: found [>]
:: silicon salley [>]
:: here [>]
:: soapbox [>]
:: digs [>]
:: photobetty [>]
:: pj dot org [>]
:: this is me [>]
:: daniel [>]
:: laura [>]
:: andrea [>]
:: shoshana [>]
:: kati [>]
:: kim [>]
:: william [>]
:: melanie [>]
:: stasia [>]
:: melissa [>]
:: cubegirl [>]
[::..recent flicks..::]
:: fahrenheit 9/11
:: 13 going on 30

:: Monday, April 29 ::

so it got worse. it actually snowed for most of today. but one of the play rehearsals was fun. it was a sixth grade rendition of 'guys and dolls' and how can you not love that? i dont understand eleven year olds. i really dont. theyre wonderful and high-energy and fabulous of course. but i dont understand them.

i cut out of work for a bit today. i was sick and cranky and just wanted to go home. so i did. and laid on my bed for an hour or so. then headed back.

and tonight. yes tonight. i have the distinct honor of photographing pat buchanan, who is speaking in my town for some very unknown reason as of yet. im less than thrilled about seeing this man up close and personal. will he damn me to the fiery depths of hell because i believe in basic human rights and *gasp* equality? will he beat me down because im co-habitating with a jewish boy? or will i just get my photo, kick him in the kneecaps and then run like hell? ha! can i? please?

before i left, my editor asked me (jokingly of course) to try and get a close up photo of his "beady little eyes in all their conservative anger" hee.

all i really want is to be able to wear some of my new spring clothes. its two days from may. is that too much to ask?

:: caroline 6:04:00 PM [+] ::
a photo a day has a new feature in the news section of the site. a changing 'collective vision' of photographs. i really love it.

:: caroline 9:49:00 AM [+] ::
im up way too early. and its another cold rainy day. i have to work today and normally, that excites me. but lately. my job is getting on my nerves. not what i do. but where i am. who i work for. today i have a couple of play rehearsals for the high school and the elementary school. and a multiples playgroup this morning. what fun. maybe something exciting will happen in the middle of the day. spice my life up a little. just maybe.

daniel is on his way to meet jim for coffee. and then theyll be on their way to the auction for the building daniel wants to buy. itll be his fourth building if he gets it. im so nervous about whats happening with jim. for so many reasons. i dont want to see him get wrapped up again. i dont want to see him go back to who he was for the first four years of our relationship. i told him the other day. if he takes this deal, he doesnt have my support. not right now. he just doesnt. i know it doesnt sound fair. but i have my reasons. so im nervous about this whole thing. and i just have to wait and see what happens.

:: caroline 8:58:00 AM [+] ::
:: Sunday, April 28 ::
im getting a handle on things. this time. i am. i swear. im figuring things out. like never before.

:: caroline 8:07:00 PM [+] ::
:: Saturday, April 27 ::
i saw this on melissa's blog and couldnt resist taking it myself.

which children's storybook character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

:: caroline 12:20:00 PM [+] ::
:: Friday, April 26 ::
"i am tired of hiding, tired of misspent and knotted energies, tired of the hypocrisy, and tired of acting as though i have something to hide." -from the book 'an unquiet mind: a memoir of moods and madness' by kay redfield jamison

:: caroline 11:06:00 PM [+] ::
ive had a song stuck in my head since this morning. 'underneath your clothes' by shakira. ugh. i know. why? because it was on vh1 while i was working out and i had my headphones on, flipping between the radio channels and vh1. its not the worst song in the world, but still. i really dont like having songs playing around and around in my head like this.

:: caroline 5:20:00 PM [+] ::
i didnt go to portsmouth with daniel today. the whole 6am thing just wasnt working for me this morning. so i stayed home. went to the gym, and while on the treadmill 'me and bobby mcgee' by janis joplin started playing through my headphones. made my morning. came home and received a package from my friend bill, which contained the tape from my surprise birthday party in october. i sat downstairs and watched it for almost an hour. it felt good to relive that for a little while. i laughed a lot and cried a little. and it reminded me. surprised me really. how sometimes. so many things (too many things) can change in only six months.

:: caroline 5:08:00 PM [+] ::
:: Thursday, April 25 ::
tomorrow: daniel and i are heading out early. to portsmouth for the day. one of my very favorite places to be. its just for a few hours, and we have a full schedule since its for business that we are going. which hardly seems worth the three hour drive each way. if it were almost anywhere else, it wouldnt be worth the drive. but its portsmouth. and ill still be excited to be there. and maybe we can make time to swing into some of my favorite shops. and i can take more photos. even though we were just there last week.

:: caroline 11:33:00 PM [+] ::
the boston globe has conducted a survey.

"The people who report for and edit the nation's newspapers look less like the people who make and read the news than a decade ago. If newspapers are a mirror that a community holds up to itself, the reflection is mostly white."

and the newspaper i work for now has the proud honor of being ranked among the country's all white newsrooms.

that 'proud honor' part is sarcasm by the way, in case you didnt pick up on that.

this doesnt surprise me. since i live in a small county, full of small towns, generally chock full of white country hick-types. and my small town is less than two miles from the border of the whitest state in the country. not to mention one of the colleges in town is also one of the whitest in the country. its obvious. just drive through town between classes and all you see are preppy white boys and girls in their abercrombie & fitch track pants and adidas flip flops. i challenge you to find someone with darker skin than the white girls with the tans that they got in cancun over spring break. grrr. non-whites arent exactly an everyday occurence around here. i dont enjoy this. nor do i think its funny. i think its pretty sad actually. im just stating the facts. and im wondering, are there more non-whites (is that even an okay term to use? it doesnt sound right for some reason) in college studying journalism than there were a decade ago? thats not a hypothetical question, its a real one. that im sure i already know the answer to.

:: caroline 6:30:00 PM [+] ::
okay i love this show. so i couldnt resist taking the test. and genevieve is my favorite. so yay.

take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!

:: caroline 4:29:00 PM [+] ::
the colors are done. tell me what you think. its very exciting. i know.
next challenge: figure out how to put a comments link on each entry.
:: caroline 4:15:00 PM [+] ::
im working on the colors. bear with me. :)
:: caroline 11:31:00 AM [+] ::
know what woke me up this morning? birds. birds! last night i opened one of the windows in the room because i was hot. and this morning. i swear. the bird must have been sitting on the window ledge, it was so loud. the bird doing its bird-thing woke me up. lovely thing. singing as if to say 'hello. good morning. im back from my trip south. and its spring. and look, the sun is shining. so wake up!'

and i woke up with a smile on my face.
:: caroline 9:27:00 AM [+] ::
i miss the ocean. i got back from my trip to maine last wednesday. its been eight days. and i miss it. thats wierd i suppose. i didnt grow up in some island paradise like daniel did, or on a coast somewhere. up to the age of 20, i think i only saw the ocean three or four times. but in all the places ive lived, ive never lived more than three hours away from the ocean, whether it was the atlantic or pacific, and more often than not i was much closer. but now that ive seen it. now that i see it every summer. im hooked. whether its the rocky shoreline in maine or the sandy beaches of marthas vineyard.

i made an observation the other day. while driving home. daniel grew up where he could walk to the ocean. i grew up with the mountains all around me. and now. i adore the ocean. he adores the mountains. its funny how we take things for granted when we see it too much.
:: caroline 8:23:00 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, April 24 ::
im finding myself sitting here. wondering what brought me to this site. wishing a lot of things. but right this second, wishing i had more to say. wishing i had some meaningless survey or friday five to fill out. to take up the space. to distract my mind. wishing i could somehow put into words the jumbles and puzzles inside my head.
:: caroline 10:07:00 PM [+] ::
its not very often. even in this area. that you get to see the mountains putting on their blanket of green. and at the same time, underneath, you can still see the nakedness of the snow beneath. today on the thirty mile drive to my mothers, i noticed it. tonight on my drive home, it was gone. the snow has melted. the sun was beating all day on the highest mountain in my state. it was such a beautiful contrast. the bright yellow and green. against the stark clean white.

but now its gone. and i thought i was lucky. to have seen that.

im a very visual person. my entire world revolves around sight, shapes, light and color. i notice things like this. perhaps it seems mundane or boring. but this is me. this is how i walk around the world. this is how i see.

i am the spectator. i am the girl in the corner watching everything.
:: caroline 7:07:00 PM [+] ::

which sex and the city player are you? find out @ she's crafty
:: caroline 9:41:00 AM [+] ::
im not a bad person. im not saying it to tell you. im saying it because i have to keep telling myself that. last night i expressed a concern. i then laid in bed for a good ten or fifteen minutes listening to his reply. listening to how bad of a person i really am. followed by 'i dont think youre a bad person' which made no sense at all at that point. i didnt have anything to say in reply. i just laid there and at some point, fell asleep. then i was awoken this morning with a kiss on the cheek and the smell of honey nut cheerios on his breath. 'im leaving, have a good day' i turned over and waited for him to leave. he dawdled. i dont know what he was doing. but he dawdled. when i heard the door close and heard him get into his car, i got up.

today: first, off to the gym for some treadmill time. then, lunch with my mom. no work until monday.

:: caroline 8:14:00 AM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, April 23 ::
so im here now too. so we'll see what happens. thanks to andrea and laura for the inspiration. ive been looking for a place for random, not-necessarily-so-meaningful entries. i also star here.
:: caroline 8:39:00 PM [+] ::

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